The dog woke me up at 7:00 on Saturday morning; it was a bit early, but I needed to get up anyway because the cable company promised that they would be there sometime between 8 AM and the end of time. Half asleep, I stumbled blindly to the back door and let Ali out. A nanosecond later I was jolted out of my semi-somnolent state by the blare of our burglar alarm, which I had forgotten to turn off.
I had forgotten how loud the alarm was; the trumpets of the Apocalypse would scarce have been louder and cursing silently I went to the alarm panel, entered my passcode and pressed “off.” Nothing happened. I entered my passcode three more times and the alarm refused to turn off, even though I knew I was entering the correct code. Perplexed, I stared stupidly at the panel and then, unexpectedly the alarm stopped.
Reveling in the blessed silence I went to find Ali, who dislikes loud noises. She was at the back gate, clearly none the worse for wear, staring silently at what I was considerably surprised to see was a small, handsome fox that was staring back at her just as intently. “We don’t have foxes in South Florida,” I muttered, and Ali and the fox both turned to look at me, surprised at my ignorance. Then the fox, unconcerned, turned and trotted away.
I watched the fox until he was out of sight; it was only 7:15 and it already seemed like it was going to be a peculiar day. That’s when I recalled a conversation I had had recently with a client who truly believes we are in then End Times, the Biblical period of tribulation that precedes the end of the world. The End Times, she assured me earnestly, were marked by strange occurrences, inexplicable events and odd coincidences.
Although it was certainly an odd morning I was not quite ready to prepare for the final trump, but then, as Ali and I walked into the house she looked up and growled suddenly. I looked up and the two of us jumped back just seconds before a huge frond fell off the royal palm by the back door. The frond landed on the roof with a surprisingly loud noise, like pottery shattering, and then the frond and several broken roof tiles fell to the ground where Ali and I had just been standing.
We were back in the house in record time, and I was about to go back to bed and stay there, but I saw the cat standing on the dining room table looking out the window and hissing softly. Then she jumped back like she had been shocked. That’s when I noticed there was a small black snake staring into the house and lunging at the window as though trying to get in.
It was not even 7:30 and I had already enough odd events for a month, but I was not quite done because the dog was at the sliding door barking violently. With trepidation I went to investigate and, impossibly, saw two peacocks on the back lawn, wandering purposely as though they belonged there.
If I was the kind of guy who believed in signs I’d have been looking around for the four horsemen by now, but, always rational I started to look for a logical explanation how so much could happen before 8AM. And then I saw the scariest thing of all: The Cable truck was pulling into my driveway. And then I knew: It really was the end of the world.