My older sister bought the little fixer-upper because it was time for her to downsize. After my mom died the house where she and my sister had lived was way too big, and needed too many repairs and was too hard to maintain. The new house was just the right size and would be less costly to maintain. It was a win-win situation.
But it needed some work. “Would you mind handling the repairs?” she asked me over dinner one Sunday. “You know that I have no patience for contractors.”
This was an understatement since my sister has never gladly suffered fools and cannot tolerate incompetence, or liars or cheats; unfortunately, if you eliminate fools, liars, incompetents or cheats the available pool of contractors in South Florida pretty much shrivels up to nothing .
“Sure!” I told her.
My partner shook his head. “You’re a glutton for punishment,” he said.
“How bad could it be?” I asked rhetorically, knowing the answer. I’m a veteran of multiple remodeling and renovation projects and I know that they’re never painless – or pleasant.
Things started well when the new air conditioner was installed on time and under budget, but we never had a final inspection. I called the AC company to ask why.
There was a lengthy hold before a perky female voice said, “So sorry! We forgot to call for the inspection.”
I was magnanimous. “Can you call for it now?” I asked.
“That may take a while,” said the perky voice. “We also forgot to apply for the permit.”
When the painter began painting the exterior of the house I thought the paint color looked odd. Surreptitiously I compared the color my sister had chosen to the color on the can and sure enough, the colors were different.
“This is not the color we chose,” I told the painter.
“The color you chose was ugly,” he said. “You’ll thank me for this when I’m done.”
The tile guy refused to lay the tile on the diagonal because it would require “too much cutting.”
“But the price you gave me was to lay it on the diagonal,” I pointed out. “You charged me extra.”
He shrugged. “I changed my mind,” he said.
The plumber who was there to replace the kitchen faucet flat out refused to do it. “I don’t like crawling around under sinks,” he told me. “I’m claustrophobic.” The guy who came to seal the roof told me he was afraid of heights and the carpenter who was there to replace the baseboards left his tools at another job and said he’d be right back. That was 10 days ago.
“I’m getting a headache,” I told my partner over dinner.
“You asked for it,” he told me.
The window installer was professional and prompt and even scheduled the installation of time. The only problem was that the windows did not open — they were fixed glass picture windows.
“Did you want windows that open?” he asked me with a straight face, feigning surprise..
“I thought it might be nice,” I said carefully as he was checking his paperwork to prove to me that I had not ordered windows that open.
He found the paperwork he was looking for and shrugged. “Oops!” he said. “It looks like Mr. Edwards ordered the picture windows.” He chuckled. “Your name is ‘Andrews’,” he said. “You did order windows that open..” He paused again. “My bad!” he said.
“Now what?” I asked shortly, wondering how I was going to explain this to my sister.
“You’ll learn to love them,” he said. “How bad can it be?”