For our first date my partner took me to an Italian restaurant, and when he paid the bill he presented the waiter with a 2-for-1 coupon. This is not typical first date behavior, and I took a long, speculative look at the man across the table realizing that I had met my soul mate.
Bound together by our mutual love for a bargain, we were reminiscing about that first date recently. It was a Tuesday night; we had worked late and didn’t feel like cooking so we decided to try a nearby Tex-Mex restaurant that we had heard good things about.
As we walked into the nearly empty dining room a dark-haired man sprinted over to greet us. He shook my hand enthusiastically and gave my partner a hug. ”Welcome!” he said. “I am the owner. Come, sit!”
We were led to a table and the owner handed us menus. We made some small talk and he learned that we lived nearby. “Now,” he said, beaming, ”what would you like to order?”
We had not even had time to look at the menus yet so I said we were not ready to order. “No worries,” he said, pulling the menus out of our hands while we stared stupidly at him. “I will order for you!”
Before we knew it we each had a mojito; they went down way too easily and were instantly replaced by two more. “Is it 2 for 1 drinks?” I wondered aloud.
“How can he assume we drink? “ asked my partner. “We could be in AA for all he knows.”
Next came the appetizers, empanadas, served with homemade Sangria. This course was followed by soup and more Sangria.
“This Sangria is really good,” I said, but my partner was skeptical. “Is this guy trying to make his mortgage payment? He is really building this check.”
Before I could respond, the entrees had arrived: Skirt steak with lobster. “You’re right,” I said “He is sending over the most expensive things on the menu.” I don’t like lobster and I pushed mine aside. “How does he know we’re not kosher Jews?” my partner said.
“Maybe he just wants to impress us, “ I said. ” We can’t insult him.”
And then, in a rush came two servings of cheesecake, two espressos and two shots of tequila. Then we were done.
The owner came back as we were licking the dessert plates. “You enjoyed?” he asked anxiously and we nodded silently. Now he really beamed; he thanked us for coming, patted our shoulders, discreetly deposited the check on the table and disappeared. In my slightly buzzed state I glanced at the check and was instantly sober.
My partner took the check out of my hand and went pale. “He charged us full price for everything,” he said and I nodded mutely. “And he added a 30% gratuity?” he said with wonder and I nodded again. He was ready to sue. “We didn’t order any of this,” he said.
“Maybe not,” I said, “but we certainly ate all of it.”
In the end we paid the bill because we did not know what else to do. “That meal could have bought us two weeks of groceries,” my partner muttered.
“What an odd practice,” I said. “He knows we’re local. Does he realize we’ll never be back?”
The owner, smiling triumphantly, met us on the way out. “Come back soon,” he said, giving me a hug which was not returned and giving my partner an unwelcome kiss on each cheek. “Here is a coupon for your next visit,” he said.