I walked to my neighbor’s house to deliver some mail wrongly delivered to me and as we chatted briefly at her front door I could not help but notice the huge bouquet of long stemmed roses on her dining room table. “Beautiful flowers,” I said, “what’s the occasion?”
“No occasion,” she said. “I just love roses; I always have a bouquet in the house.” I was impressed and was about to say so, but she continued, “Don’t be impressed. I go out to the flea market and they pretty much give them away. They are $10 a dozen, but I offer the vendor $5 a dozen and she always agrees.”
I was surprised; “You can negotiate the price of a bouquet of flowers?” I asked, and she nodded. “Always,” she said. “The vendors like to haggle. They are happy to take whatever you offer. “ I must have looked skeptical because she said, “Try it. Speak firmly and look them straight in the eye and they’ll crumble.”
Since we had houseguests coming that weekend I was determined to impress them with fresh roses, so on Friday I headed to the flea market, ready to negotiate. I located the flower vendor almost immediately and sure enough she had spectacular long stemmed roses for $10 per dozen. I selected the best bouquet and confidently went to pay.
The vendor was about five feet tall and weighed maybe 80 pounds; she gave me a huge smile, displaying a gaping hole where her two front teeth had been, and said, “Ten dollars, please.”
Remembering my neighbor’s advice I handed her a $5 bill and said grandly, “I’ll give you $5 for the flowers.” Her smile dimmed. “The flowers are $10,” she said firmly, looking me straight in the eye.
My resolve started to crumble. “I’ll give you $5,” I said and, remembering my neighbor’s advice, I unwisely added: “and you should be happy to get it.”
The flower lady’s smile was gone now. “You think I don’t got bills?” she said loudly; “you think I don’t got expenses?” Her voice got louder. “Maybe you think I should just give you the flowers? Huh?”
I began to squirm and, seeing that people were beginning to look, I gave her my most charming smile, the one that makes me look like the Grinch. Thinking fast, I picked up another bouquet and said, “No, no, no; I meant if I buy two bouquets do I get a discount?”
Her nostrils flared. “So you think that losing money on two bouquets is better than losing money on just one?” she asked. She pointed to the gap where her front teeth had been. “I’m saving for new teeth,” she said. “You think teeth are cheap? Would you walk around like this?”
I grabbed two more bouquets and said wildly, “Sorry, I just thought you would offer a quantity discount.” In the background a child began to cry; the flower lady looked over her shoulder to where a huge man was holding a toddler. “Papi,” she yelled, ”tell the baby we ain’t got no money for food because this man thinks flowers grow on trees.”
I noticed a small crowd was gathering. “Of course you’re right,” I murmured, grabbing two more bouquets. “I’m so sorry.” As she glared, hands on her hips, I chose two more bouquets of roses. I now had enough roses to supply the Kentucky Derby. “What do I owe you?” I asked.
“That will be $100,” said the vendor, pocketing the money before I could do the arithmetic. She smiled sweetly. “Please come again.”
